The first was to write about a side of himself that people have never seen before – a vulnerable, struggling and messy side. The second was that he wanted to share a message of hope with the community, be it sufferers, their families and friends, and those who deal with sufferers in the workplace.
Through his debut work, Kleinjan, who has been dealing with anxiety and depression for over a decade, allows the reader to experience mental illness “in all its hostility” from his own perspective. “The title refers to my effort to let the reader see anxiety and depression through my eyes and to walk the journey in my shoes,” says Kleinjan, and explains further that he did not write the book to try and appear smart, but rather raw, honest and relatable.
A double-edged sword
According to Kleinjan, living with major depressive disorder and the ensuing chaos of attempting suicide have drastically changed his perspective on life. He admits that although it debilitates him to various degrees, it also enables him to see the world differently.
“I think if it had not been for depression, I would not have become as understanding, accepting and accommodating towards others,” says Kleinjan, and adds that depression, in his view, is a double-edged sword. On the one hand it provides him with a wealth of knowledge, experience and creativity, but on the other hand it persistently pushes him closer to the edge.
Making a meaningful contribution
Through his open and honest depiction of his journey with anxiety and depression, Kleinjan not only explains his personal tussles with mental illness, but also describes the widespread impact it has had on various aspects of his life. This includes not just the psychological and emotional elements, but also the occupational, financial, physical and relational components, to name a few.
“I tried to articulate what fellow sufferers are going through, the challenges they face, how they feel, and what they think. From personal experience, I can attest that there is nothing more devastating than being unable to verbalise something that turns your whole world upside down,” says Kleinjan.
He says that if his book affects only one other person positively, he has achieved what he set out to do. “I know that I can’t change the world single-handedly, but with a single candle I can create a spark for those who are stranded in the dark.”
* Kleinjan is an alumnus of the NWU’s campus in Vanderbijlpark, where he completed his BCom, BCom Hons, MCom and PhD in Industrial Psychology.
Dr Kleinjan Redelinghuys.
