The institution of marriage in South Africa is quietly collapsing. Many marriages that were once full of promise and joy are crumbling all too quickly, causing heartache, isolation and unstable connections within families. This reality has deeply concerned Pastor Gugulethu Ndlovu, a PhD student at the Faculty of Theology at the North-West University (NWU).

Pastor Ndlovu, a dedicated researcher and proud daughter of Bethal, Mpumalanga, has stepped up to explore the causes of marital instability among African Christians, as well as how churches can effectively prepare couples for the sacred path of marriage.

Her research, titled “Experiences of premarital counselling among African Christians in South Africa: A practical theological study”, aims at shifting perspectives in a world where “happily ever after” seems increasingly in doubt.

“Multiple studies highlight that premarital counselling strengthens relationships and is said to predominantly take place in churches. Yet, in our churches, it seems like it is either not happening at all or it is done in ways that do not adequately prepare couples to build stable marriages,” she says.

“We cannot ignore the rate at which marriages are failing, and we cannot simply pray it away – practical solutions are needed.”

With twelve years of experience in pastoral ministry – working as a pastor at Mount Olives Ministries since 2013 and founding her own marriage ministry, Knotted by Gusquare, in 2019, Pastor Ndlovu has guided couples and assisted them in forming deeper connections beyond the literal marriage knot. She tailors each session to the specific needs of the couple, focusing on accurately teaching Scripture, honest conversations and culturally sensitive practices.

“I always start by asking couples what they hope to gain from premarital counselling. It sounds simple, but that one question opens up so much. It helps me tailor the sessions to their actual needs instead of just giving generic advice. Yes, addressing biblical principles of marriage is significant, but it should be accompanied by the teaching of practical relationship skills like communication and conflict management skills,” she shares.

Her research findings revealed the shocking absence of formal premarital counselling in black churches. “Many married individuals I spoke to claimed that they were never offered premarital counselling by their pastors, although most pastors I interviewed claimed it is mandatory in their church. Instead, couples were given advice by church elders, what we call ukuyalwa,” Pastor Ndlovu notes.

Ukuyalwa, an indigenous practice of advice-giving, is a focal point in her research, and while some married individuals see it as beneficial, others criticise it for being outdated or sexist. “Certain teachings reinforce harmful gender roles. It is important that we preserve tradition while updating the content to not only be relevant, but biblically accurate too. The advice must reflect equality and mutuality as prescribed in Scripture, remembering that both husband and wife are created in the image of God,” she explains.

Pastor Ndlovu also highlights that current clergy-led premarital counselling often lacks structure. “Many clergy tend to rely on their personal experiences and views. None of the popular premarital counselling programmes and inventories are used by clergy, and that is a gap that needs to be addressed.”

She advocates for churches to integrate a skills-based approach and to implement premarital inventories or questionnaires. “These resources assist with efficiently eliciting information from couples, helping the pastor to better understand areas in which the couple may struggle. They also help the couple become more engaged in the counselling process,” she adds.

Further, she believes that churches should begin preparing young people for marriage long before their engagement. “We should not wait until someone puts a ring on it. Marriage prep should be part of the church culture through youth programmes, sermons and relationship seminars.”

Pastor Gugulethu Ndlovu represents a unique combination of wisdom, kindness and academic excellence. At only 33, she is already a two-time cum laude graduate, a member of the Golden Key Honour Society, and the current winner of the national Visualise Your Thesis Competition. As a full-time pastor and academic, she brings together both passion and intellect in every discussion on marriage, culture and faith.

Pastor Gugulethu Ndlovu